Do you talk about what’s most worrying you? Or do you keep your mouth shut about things that make you anxious? If you’re the tight-lipped type, we have a charity challenge for you...Take Off The Tape! - A snippet from their website.
Now onto the hard part... here I am taking off the tape... As someone with an anxious mind, it was hard for me to just write one thing and these are things I kinda want to talk about and bring awareness too.
This is probably what I struggle with the most. Not knowing what's going to happen, today, tomorrow or 5 years down the line. I constantly worry about my job, if I'm happy and if it's what I want. I worry about not finding myself a partner, settling down and being in a long term relationship. I worry about my friendships and if my current friends will still be around in 5 years time (I hope they are). Basically, whenever I picture the future all I can see is a question mark and it fricking scares the hell out of me. There's so much that could go wrong, or not work out, or be how you expected and I don't like that. I don't like being out of control of something that to me, is so terrifying.
I don't think this is something I've ever spoken about publically but, here it is. I have been known to struggle with my image, how I look and how I'm perceived. In school I was a chubby kid and I did get teased because of this, at the time it destroyed my self confidence and it made me feel pretty low. I ended up becoming quite unhealthy and looking back on it now, it was wrong, it was stupid but, oh well it's in the past. I still however get a little self conscious when, meeting new people and going out to events. I constantly fuss over my outfit and finding things to wear because I'm worried that, other people will think I look fat or un-classy or scruffy.. I don't know why, it's just the little things that make me nervous. In terms of my weight and how I look, like I'm ok with my body. I'm not happy but not un-happy, if you know what I mean. I can see room for improvement and, now I know how to do that healthily, if and when I chose.
People. Just. People. I've seen a lot of hate and body shaming, being thrown around the internet recently and yes it needs to stop. It's stuff like this that makes me realise, how damaging the internet can be. Which is why I have been quiet on the YouTube front, not because I've personally had negative comments, but a lot of other YouTubers have and that scares me. I'm not worried that a person might not like me because of the content I post but, I do worry if someone doesn't like me, for who I am. It has taken me years to be ok with who I am and I'm still young, I'm still figuring things out and I don't want to be judged in the process, for trying to learn and grow as a person. I shouldn't need to apologise, explain myself or be judged. Everyone is equal and it's about time we learnt that.
Thanks for reading. I really hope that you can take something from this blog post. If you are confident enough to get on board this campaign check out all the details on Mind's website - http://www.mind.org.uk/tape. Don't forget as well to donate if you can, all you have to do is text 'TAPE' to 70660, to donate £3, as you guys know this charity means a lot to me, so any donations would be fab! Tag me on Instagram (@iamthelostwolf) of screenshots of your donations and I will follow as many of you back, as I can! I hope your all well, be kind to one another in the comments.. I love you!
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